One week home: all about Brent and the cats

Sorry to lump Brent in with the cats, but I don't know much to say about either, so they have to share a post.

Brent is a great father. He's doing so well and his patience keeps me in check just as much as he keeps Andrei in check. He's always the one doing fun dad stuff and roughhousing being boys. Andrei gets mad that he has to go to work so much, but a concrete schedule will help with that. Yesterday we introduced the concept that when the little hand points here, then papa will be home. Then Andrei gets up every five minutes and looks at the clock to see if it has moved.

Andrei has taken over feeding the cats, and is learning their names.
Larry still has not showed his face, except for two hissy incidents, so now when Andrei talks about him he makes a hissy face too. He also has stuffed all the blankets under his bed because he's afraid that Larry will try to hide out under there. Andrei does want to make friends, though, because whenever he sees Larry scurry from under one hiding place to another, Andrei runs after him and tries to feed him and call him back. I'm sure they'll become friends eventually. Larry comes out after Andrei is in bed and just mews and mews and is probably just complaining about this darn kid who is annoying him.
Beaver is still tolerating, and Andrei likes to police him away from the Christmas tree and Larry's food dish. He pets him and carries him around and I tell him to put Beaver down but Beaver only complains a little.
Andrei says that Beaver is all of our cat, but Larry is his only, so hopefully the'll all get along soon enough.

Now everyone's awake so it's time to say Merry Christmas to all of you and have a great day!

Home one week: all about mama

Mama has some big adjustments too. Mama is used to being home alone all day doing her own thing and with no one around to bother her. Not that Andrei is a bother.....

The last sermon I heard - in Russia - was about the man being let through the roof to see Jesus, and about how he had to trust his friends so much do let them help him in this way. It was about being vulnerable and allowing others to help you in your difficult times. I knew this sermon was for me, because I knew that I had a difficult time coming up and I have such a hard time accepting help from anyone.

Yes, this is a difficult time. Disorganization frusterates me and I think seven year old boys are the definition of disorganization. I feel like all I do all day is follow behind him and fix things back to 'my way'. I'm slowly getting over that though.
We thought the house was baby proofed, but it's not really Andrei proofed. Since he still is figuring out what belongs to whom, he explores and digs though everything. My office is generally the keeper of important papers, gifts, things that must not be lost, etc. and now he's wanting to go in there all the time and touch it all. Yesterday I finally loaded up a video game onto my computer so I could clean a bit in there and at least get the really important stuff out of the way.

Also, and I've heard this is true of all mothers, I've seen the limits of my temper, patience, guilt, frustration, gentleness, and self-control. I finally just started leaving the room when he starts lashing out at me, because I know I will start lashing right back at him - and I'm supposed to be the adult, right?

I don't really know how to act lovingly toward him, because I have my guard up too - Brent is so much better at that than I am. I bought the book Attaching in Adoption and I feel bad that I'm reading it to know how to act toward my own kid. But he doesn't feel like my kid yet - I have to learn as much as he does how to be in a family. It's very frusterating to me that I don't seem to have any mommy instincts, just survival methods. But he's still a stranger to me. At least with marriage you get to know the person before moving in together - this is a bit more sudden.

Being home all day is insanely boring - especially since Brent has been working more because of Christmas. At least now he has a few days off and then will be into a normal schedule. I'll be going back to work in January too, which I can't decide if I'm happy about or not. I don't think going back to getting up early (3 AM) will be much of an adjustment - because of jetlag, I'm still not sleeping past 4 AM. I think I won't like having to go to bed early because that's Brent and my time and it will be cut short. And, Brent will have to start getting up early because Andrei does not let anyone sleep in. Actually, as I write this, it's quarter past 7 and it's the longest he has slept since we got him.

I will have to figure out specific activity to do with Andrei every day or I will go crazy. Anything to break up the day. Also, if anyone wants to stop by for coffee or a chat, please do. Actually, I'm begging you to stop by for coffee or a chat. Our home is open for visitors, as long as you don't mind matchbox cars and knights in plastic armor all over the floor. I can't wait until January when we can start a structure and schedule. I think that will be good for all of us.

I've also realized that it will probably be a while before I get to go to adult church by myself again. I found a podcast to listen to on Sunday mornings, and yesterday's was very encouraging. It talked about Abraham and God calling him not only to a new land, but a new person and reality on the inside. That's sort of what we're going through here. God has called us to something new, to what he has promised for us, and He'll be there every step. I've just got to keep reminding myself of that.

Home one week: All about Andrei

I realized that, in Russia I posted every day about our attachment and Andrei's behavior and how things were going, but I have not really done that since we've been home.
I told Brent I think he got switched at the airport... he's that much of a different kid.
It has become so clear how confused and pent up he was while we were still in Russia. Here, he can run and play and be loud, and he knows (I think) he's not going back to the orphanage. He has not asked about it, or thought that Dima was at the door. He says now - plane, car, America Boy!!! instead of plane, car, orphanage!!! He knows what things are his and that the house is his (well, and mama and papa's). He says his movies are in English, not Russian. He says he is American and not Russian. He really is becoming a fun kid to be around.

We have not gone many places so far. We went to church on Saturday and that lasted about 10 minutes. He saw Brent and grandma and grandpa, and then other grandma and grandpa, and he got all worked up. It was clear he couldn't calm himself down, so we went home. The next day we tried church again and the rule was Andrei and mama hold hands always, and we went straight to children's church without saying hello to Brent first. He did great. He sat through church, and then was able to see Brent and not get overly excited, and then walk home with minimal trauma. We used this strategy on Christmas Eve service, and he was able to sit (sort of) through two services, and go up front for the family candle lighting. I was so proud.

We are also now able to see better when he is about to reach 'critical mass' and we can try and head it off before it gets too bad. Last night we had presents at my parents house and he was twirling, laughing (the meltdown laugh), jumping around like a ninja, dominating everyone's attention and even started toe walking (which was kind of creepy - it's a sign of sensory overload). Of course many of these activities are normal boy things, but it was clear he was very nervous and didn't know how to act, so we corralled him and gave him some paper and a pen to focus on. He was unhappy about having to sit down, but calmed pretty quickly.

He doesn't know how to act around other children and stares, pokes, puts up his fists, and makes faces, and generally doesn't know any personal boundaries. This will come in time - I just tell him (over and over and over) to turn around, stay near to mama, whatever the situation calls for. I think it's strange for him to see so many children with their parents, and he's trying to figure out who belongs to who and who he belongs to and just make sense of all these people.

He gets frustrated at home sometimes still, but I think most of those things are normal age things and not attachment. I've been reading "Your Six Year Old" and it says that children this age have a hard time losing or being unable to do something. This is Andrei completely. He gets angry when he can't catch the football, when he can't tie his shoe, when he can't make his robot stand up straight. I just wait patiently (as I can) until he comes to me for help, or just let him keep trying until he gets it.

His English is coming along so quickly, I'm pretty shocked. He says the English word sometimes when he needs something, which is actually kind of difficult becuase his pronunciation is off, and we don't know what language he is speaking, so we have to figure that out too. It took 10 minutes to get that he was looking for his 'rallet' because he actually ment 'wallet', and I was expecting to hear 'kooshlock'. But we're getting it. When he asks for something and I don't know what now, I ask him 'where?' and he shows me and we figure it out. And there's our handy dandy dictionary which is used often.
He's also understanding so much more and picking up on our conversations. Even when we're not talking to him, he'll hear us say 'seven' and poke me and hold up seven fingers. Or I said 'movie' to my mom the other day and he piped up and said Scooby-Doo! Brent and I will have to sensor our conversation much sooner than I thought we would. :)

So that's how Andrei is adjusting. We're still sort of in survival mode because of the busy holidays, and then things will really calm down come January and we can start working on real life.

The long version of the longest day

So yesterday started about 6 AM, Moscow time - just when Americans were going to sleep Monday night. Dima came to pick us up at 7:30, then we had to pick up Sasha and Mr. Bradshaw because they were flying out the same day, but later. We got a little waylayed, but were still on time.
So we got to the airport, said our good byes and walked in to the departures area.
As you may remember from my first post, Moscow's airport hat two buildings - and they are about 20 minutes away from each other. So we stood around for a good 15 minutes - maybe more - before we realized we were in the wrong building.
We couldn't find any place to buy a phone card to call Dima, so I went to the taxi counter and asked if they had a driver available. This was about 9:40 and our plane left at 10:15.
We got a taxi and tried to get him to hurry, but there was construction. We got to the airport about 10 AM. We ran inside, though baggage check, only to find that there was no departure window for Warsaw. We flagged down another Aeroflot employee and asked her what to do. She pointed us to the employee lounge told us to ask a manager to let us through. By this time it was 10:10 and it was simply too late.
Crap.
The Aeroflot lady said we should go up to the LOT office and ask them about booking a later flight. So we loaded up all of our stuff and went off to find it. It was closed. It did not have hours posted when it would be open.
We went back to Aeroflot and asked them when their next flight to Warsaw was. Tomorrow.
So. What do we do? We could call someone and drive back into Moscow, and then try to get on tomorrows flight with LOT - if there was room. Or we could just buy another ticket from someone else and leave.
We chose the latter. I knew that Aeroflot had a daily flight to New York so we walked up to the window and got three tickets. I think it cost somewhere around $4000. Yeah, that wasn't really in our budget, but for our own sanity, it had to be done.
So now it was about 11 AM and we could go through the line at 1 PM.
At this point Andrei was getting near uncongtrollable. I don't blame him. He already gets overstimulated way easy, and then we were rushing him back and forth through the airport, and I'm sure he could tell that we were getting frustrated too with the whole situation. He would not stop running away from us and into restricted areas. And then when we'd bring him back, he'd start swinging. So we held him sitting on the dirty, nasty floor of the airport - his legs under my legs, his fists in my hands, screaming and crying (just him, although I wanted to). This was definately the low point of the day. So we took out our last resort. Children's benydryl. And i prayed - no, begged - to God that it would not rile him up more, as I had heard so many horror stories of. Well, it didn't jack him up. But it didn't calm him down either. I think it had no effect. But soon enough it was time to move again, and we stood in line to get our boarding pass.

I have never waited in line so much as at that airport. And I kept thinking that everyone else in line was like - please don't let me have a seat next to this kid. I was thinking the same thing! But at least there are seatbelts on airplanes.
Everyone who flew to New York had to have their bags x-rayed, and then also hand checked by a security person. This actually wasn't that bad because the lady talked to Andrei the whole time and it gave him something to focus on. Then we stood in line some more and got our boarding pass. Then we stood in line some more at passport control. I think the lady read every single one of Andrei's documents, but oh well. Then through the duty free shop area. I was a little worried about this part because Andrei is so grabby, but there were mostly stores for cosmetics and alcohol - neither of which interest him.
Somewhere along the way he got angry again but I don't remember what, but we bought some food and ate quickly - since we couldn't bring it into the seating area. Then we had our carryon luggage hand checked and went to wait some more.

Then came the flight. It was about 10 hours long but of course it felt like an eternity. It wasn't overly horrible. Andrei did get angry a few times because if he loses something - he thinks we stole it or something so he gets really mad. So we spent a lot of time looking under the seats for crayons, cars, marker tops, and other little things. Then this wonderful old lady came up and started talking to him. She saw his pictures he had and talked him about whatever in Russian, and took him walking up and down the aisle. She was a god-send. After this they turned off all the lights, but Andrei had no intention of going to sleep. So I gave him some Melatonin for just that purpose and he was out like a light. He slept for about 4 hours, with a few times waking up kicking and crying - I think his ears hurt - he never could figure out how to equalize the pressure and was sticking his fingers in them the whole flight.
We met another adoption family on the flight that had two children from the far eastern part of Russia - a 10 hour flight from Moscow. There was a single dad with a boy too, but we didn't get to talk to them. We tried to get Andrei to talk to the other kids, but he didnt' want to.
We landed in New York about 7 PM. As soon as we landed I called JetBlue to see if they had any open seats on their 9PM flight to Chicago. They did, but couldn't book over the phone.
First we had to go through passport control - the US citizen line. The officer there opened Andrei's immigration packet from the embassy and asked us some questions and then took us to the Immigration office. We waited for about 20 minutes and then got Andrei's stamped passport and we were off. We quickly got our luggage, sailed through customs and went to find JetBlue ticketing. It was in a different bulding, so we had to take the shuttle train. That was easy enough except when we were getting off, Andrei didn't follow right away and then panicked when the doors started shutting and we had to grab him by the collar and yank him though. I think it scared him. It scared me.
We finally found the Jetblue boarding line, and then ticketing. We got in just in time I think. After we got our boarding passes, we went straight through security and found our gate. Andrei and Brent had just sat down and I went to get us some food when they called for boarding. That was cutting it close.
So we boarded and Andrei was enthralled with the personal TVs on the back of each seat. Me too. I got to watch The Grinch in English! The flight was a short two hours and we talked a lot with the flight attendant, since we were in the second back row of the plane. JetBlue was the nicest airline we have ever flown on - lots of leg room, good snacks, personal TVs - too bad it doesn't fly out of Milwaukee.
I will say, that my favorite part of the trip was flying out of NewYork at night. It was beautiful seeing all the lights of the city.
We landed in Chicago at 11 PM and my parents were waiting at the bottom of the escalator. Andrei ran down and got big hugs and then Brent and I got both got big hugs too.
We collected our luggage and was on our way home.
There were a few surprises (good this time) when we got home but I will post about them later tonight.
Andrei wanted a bath and then we all finally went to bed close to 3 AM. The cats woke me up at 7. Blech. Andrei got up shortly after, and now he's not making any noise, so I should probably check that out.

Anyway, we come to the end of one journey, and the beginning of another. Andrei is a joy this morning and remembered his room and all of his things. He hugged us tight before bed last night and I think he knew he was home. It's a good place to be.

Last day - hooray!!!!

And it was a stressor.
I'm pretty sure Andrei was out of sorts because he knew that the America trip was coming. He sees it on the calender, and then we also were packing our bags today. Now he's sleeping and Brent and I are going through the apartment finishing up and checking all the nooks and crannies. Tomorrow Dima is calling us at 6 AM (we don't have an alarm clock) and then will pick us up around 7:30.

We didn't have to go get our paperwork today - Marina picked it up for us, so that was nice. Andrei had a bit of a hard time at the bookstore and I had to carry him out. He was doing all fine until he saw one of those books that have music buttons, and then he melted down when we told him he couldn't have it. I got spit in my hair, punched in the face (that was my own fault), and got called a balvana alot although I don't know what that means. Oh well. I just kept thinking - I'm never seeing these people again and we're leaving tomorrow. Ha-le-lu-jah!

I had better get going and get to bed because tomorrow will be a long one.

See you back in the states!

A different church in Moscow

Today we went to International Christian Assembly - one of the two Assembly of God churches in Russia. We heard about this church from an AG missionary that visited our church last winter. We wanted to get together with him while we were in Moscow, so he invited us to his church and then we went out for lunch afterward.

Andrei spent his first time in Children's church this week. There were only two children because it was the early service and most of the families come to the late service. But he drew a picture (see last post) and got some cookies and played with the younger kids. I was a nervous wreck, of course, leaving him, but when I went in there after service he was all smiles and the worker said he did very well. I think last week there were too many kids and this week he could just play the whole time. I'm debating whether I want to take him to church the day after we get back, for Wednesday night kid's service. I guess I'll just see how much sleep we get. If anything, we can just walk home if he wants to.

After church Doug, the missionary, and his family took us on the Metro. It was pretty cool. We were too chicken to go by ourselves earlier in the trip, but now I kind of regret not going sooner. The deepest part of the Metro is over 100 feet underground, and you take a humungous escalator which feels like you're going into Moria. It's disorienting and very steep - you have to catch yourself from falling forward. I was a little disappointed that we didn't go through one of the cooler Metro stations.
We ate lunch at McDonalds, and just like the other times we took Andrei there, he was only interested in his toy and didn't eat barely a bite of his food.
After McD's, we walked to Starbucks. Starbucks is very new in Moscow because someone bought the rights to the name in Russia and wouldn't sell it to Starbucks without going to court. Finally they settled and Starbucks opened it's first two stores in Moscow this year. It was delicious. I had my favorite- a Peppermint Mocha - and a large cost $10. Ouch. But it tasted so good. Also, if I would have been home these past 3 weeks, I would have spent much, much more than $10 at Starbucks. Brent had a Large Latte and his was $9 I think.

After that Dima came and picked us up and we did a little shopping, and then he took us home. It was about 3 PM, so we were glad to be winding down the day. Tomorrow morning I plan to pack most of our things, then in the afternoon we get Andrei's passport back so we can get the heck outta here!!
Wahoo!

Few more pictures

Here is Brent escaping for a few minutes. Out the window is the White House which Andrei points out every meal and says - Russian Flag with President Putin. We showed him the American flag, but he did not seem near as impressed.



Here is the picture that Andrei drew in his first time ever being in Children's church. On the right is baby Jesus, Mary, and an angel. And fireworks for Christmas. And then, of course, a huge picture of papa.



Here is our fearless driver, Dima. He also does horseback riding and nature tours out by the Ural Moutnains. Here's his website with some of the tours he does. I want to go and I don't even like horses - he's a great tour guide.



And here is Starbucks. We had to visit. My Peppermint Mocha cost $10. It was worth it.

Three days left

Or maybe three and a half if you count airplane day because it's a really long day.

Yesterday we filed with the Minister of Foreign Affairs, which notes Andrei as an internationally adopted child with Russia's government. Marina tried to get them to do it all in one day, but they said no, so we have to wait until Monday, which is what we were expecting, but it still would have been nice.

They have Andrei's passport, so unfortunately we can't just leave anyway.

Today, Saturday was absolutely nothing special. It's getting colder out so our walk to the grocery store was especially bitter. Brent and Andrei played in the snow, but Andrei's gloves kind of froze so he had to wear papa's gloves. This was because Brent LOST one of Andrei's nice mittens in a church, so we had to buy cheapy gloves at the grocery store which do no good whatsoever. Although I shouldn't yell because I also lost my gloves, I think in Dima's van.

Nothing interesting to write, and boy am I glad about that!

I am really looking forward to getting back to normal life. I told Brent that I really do not mind this small apartment, but it bothers me that there is no place for things - everything is just piled up around and we still have suitcases in the middle of the floor. If I could make it 'mine' it would be better.
I'm looking forward to not having to buy water in jugs.
I'm looking forward to letting Andrei make noise and be a kid.
I'm looking forward to having a bigger bed again, and hopefully Andrei feeling comfortable enough to sleep in his bed.
I'm especially looking forward to never, ever seeing Cartoon Network or Nickelodean ever again for the rest of my life.
Brent said he misses his PS3.

Pure religion

Pure religion is this - to care for orphans and widows in their distress. James 1:27

I've talked about this before, but today it hit me in the face. Many years ago, before Brent and I even wanted children, I was flipping through the channels and came across a documentary "The Children of Leningratsky". I encourage you to watch the DVD or catch it on HBO (although I don't know when it's playing). It's awful and horrible and heartbreaking.

There are 700,000 Russian orphans. Children graduate from orphanages at age 16 and are expected to make it for themselves with substandard education, no job, no home. 75% don't even live to age 25.
There are over 30,000 children living on the Moscow streets. They sell their bodies as young as age 7 just for a warm bed and dinner. They sniff glue and sleep under the streets on the city's heating ducts. Everyone is against them, even the police beat them and throw them out.

I don't think I adequately have the words to express what I'm feeling.
We've seen homeless in the underpass the whole time we've been here, but today there was a group of children. They were younger than Andrei. We were on our way to dinner and I left Brent and Andrei at the restaurant and ran to the grocery store. I got two heavy bags of food that I thought might last a few days and handed them to two tiny dirty children - girls - who were begging at a food stand.
And then I went home and cried.

It wasn't enough. I have a houseful of food and clothing and heat and blankets. Brent and I both work - we have enough money to go to Starbucks and get Netflix. Andrei already has too many toys.

I fed two little girls for a day or two - it cost $30. Less than a day's worth of work.
I gave a little boy an opportunity to live in a home and have loving parents. Perhaps you aren't in the place to do that, but surely you have $30.

Children's Hope Chest
Russian Orphan Opportunity Fund
Active Child Aid

And to go one more step, The Lighthouse Project (the hosting program we used) has children coming to Wisconsin in January that need host homes.

Went to America Part 2

Today we had to go back to our appointment at the American Embassy. All adoptions have to be there between 2 and 4 PM. We were the second appointment of the day. The first appointment was a Kansas City couple with a new 2.5 year old son. Then the ones after us were a family from Colorado that had two sons and then adopted a brother and sister that were a little older than Andrei. They had both been in the process for over 2 years, and the Kansas City couple had been in Russia for 8 weeks because of issues with their judge. I don't know if I could make it that long. After we were almost done, the Bradshaws showed up and the other family (Wagners) who just had their court date last week. Andrei and Sasha had a great time catching up on things and then running in circles screaming.

Our 'interview' was a guy asking us to put up our right hand and swearing that all of our documents were true and correct. Then he made sure that Andrei's new name was spelled correctly and that was it. We had to sit for about 20 minutes and wait for Andrei's US visa to be printed and then we were all done.

Picutred above is Andrei's adoption decree, his Russian birth certificate (with us listed as his natural parents) and his Russian passport. We also got a copy of the judge's ruling, and legal documents stating that his birth-parent's rights were terminated and why. And some more paperwork that all says the same thing.
We also got a sealed envelope which we don't open, but take with us and give it to Immigration when we land in the US. I think it contains his application for citizenship, his application for immigration, and his medical report from the Moscow doctor appointment. I'm sure it has more, but I don't know what.

All of this took about an hour and we went home to more of the same old same old. TV, bath, TV, dinner, TV, bath, bed.

Andrei is doing so much better. He melts down still at dinner and bedtime, but it's managable. He still eats all day, but has stopped shoveling his food.
Our new struggle is getting him dressed in the morning. He just wants to lay around in his underwear and watch TV all day. He got all indignant when I told him he had to get dressed before he could have a snack.
Then he doensn't want to eat anything at dinner, but as soon as we're back to watching TV, he's running to the kitchen for a million snacks. Actually today was the first time he ate his whole lunch and whole dinner, so it's all improving.
We'll have a big adjustment when we get home and that TV doesn't even work. But, then again, he can scream all he wants because we don't have cranky neighbors either.
Only 5 more days!

Went to America today

Today Brent and I walked to the American Embassy and left Andrei with Dima and Sasha for a few minutes. We basically walked in, handed someone some papers, handed someone else some money (actually credit card), and then got an appointment card for tomorrow afternoon to come back and get Andrei’s paperwork.
The Embassy used to process adoptions in one day but now it takes two.
After tomorrow we have to wait two days while our facilitator files with the Ministry of Foreign Affairs and then we can go home next Tuesday. I misunderstood about us going home early, so it is not to be.

Then in the afternoon Dima took us to the Church of Jesus the Savior and the Red Square. We took over 100 pictures, so they will hopefully be up soon.
Andrei did fairly well. It was weird seeing him talk with Dima and ask about some of the paintings and exhibits in the Cathedral. We never get to really talk with him and hear what he is thinking. He got a little feisty but then Dima told him to act like a big boy and not a baby, so he shaped up. Maybe I should have asked him how to say that.

After all that it was kind of late so we ordered pizza from a place we found online. Well also at the same time someone came over to look at our phone, because we couldn’t call Internationally anymore. After about two hours I call the pizza place back and ask about our order - apparently the guy was at our place and tried to call us to let him up but since our phone was being fixed we didn’t hear it. So she asked us if we could wait another hour since the delivery guy was on another call. Sure. So we waited. In the end it was about 9:30 when the pizza guy got here and Brent had to go downstairs to meet him and bring our stuff back up. He also had the wrong apartment number.
The pizza was cold and the drinks were warm so we reheated the pizza and the drinks are chilling for tomorrow night.

Since all of this is happening so late, Brent is just now putting Andrei to bed at 10:30. Maybe tomorrow he will let us sleep past 7. One can only hope.

Just a week left - or possibly less? :)

Today was weird. Andrei is definately showing other emotions other than goofy giggly melt down. He woke up kind of crabby, but we managed. I woke up kind of crabby too, but took an extra long shower (aka only time and place that mommy has to pray) and caught up on my devotions so I felt better after that.

Then we needed to go to the grocery store, and he was acting wonky, so I asked him if he wanted to take a nap or go along to the sotre. He said store, so I handed him his socks - fine - and then his boots. He flipped. He started yelling at both Brent and I. I told him he needed to calm down and take a nap. He just kept yelling at us in Russian - we had no idea what set him off or what he wanted. We couldn't even get a word in edgewise. So we brought him into the second bedroom and put him in bed. He proceeded to tell us off for almost a half hour. Brent and I just sat there, stunned. All I could understand was something about the orphanage, and how he didn't want to go to America and didn't love us. We just kept telling him we loved him over and over. It's all we knew what to say. We told him we were mama and papa and no more orphanage. He just kept yelling back. After a while he was just sitting there scowling so we asked him if he wanted to go back and watch TV. He said yes, so we got up and he ran ahead of us, did a summersault, said good morning, gave us both hugs and kisses and told us he did in fact love us. Then he got up and started cleaning the apartment.
Weird.

The rest of the day was a breeze. We even took him inside the book store and he picked out the wallet and a lego toy without melting down. Later he was saying - mama and papa love Andrei - which he's never said before, so maybe he was just feeling unsure, and we've passed anther milestone.

He still has a hard time with dinner and bedtime, which I don't really get- it's not like he doesn't know what to expect, but whatever - we'll get through.

So, big news here - I was going to say that a week from right now we'll be on a plane, but it might be sooner!
Marina sent our paperwork overnight so we're going to the Embassy tomorrow morning. We were not expecting that until later in the week. Then we will go back for our interview on Thursday, and if all goes well, we can come home two days after that -so maybe Saturday instead of next Tuesday. Even if it's one day early - I'll take it!!
Oh yeah - also the Saturday flight only has a 2.5 hour layover instead of a 6 hour layover, so I really hope we can take it.

Tenth Day

Today the 10 days were up, so there is no turning back. Andrei is ours for ever more.

Today was not so great, but there was no crying and minimal screaming, so I wouldn’t say it was outright bad.
I wish I could pinpoint the place where it starts to go downhill so I could prevent it, but it seems to sneak up on us.
I also wish we could communicate better because I know it’s causing 99% of our problems. If he wants something, we don’t know what. I say ‘I don’t understand’ in Russian, and then he yells it, like maybe that will help. If he loses something he thinks we took it, while we are looking for it with him (and for a kid who is so possessive, he sure loses things a lot). He doesn’t understand that the DVD is scratched and that’s why it doesn’t work or that tomorrow or later we will do something.

So today was going fairly well and then Andrei started acting cagey, so we decided to take him for a walk, and then have dinner at this place I’d been wanting to try - Kish Mish. He usually gets excited and is really good about getting his coat on, so when he wasn’t, I probably should have taken the hint and made dinner myself. But, no, we pushed him out the door without his coat (which he put on right away then), and then we walked a little bit, and then to the restaurant.

Kish Mish is an Uzbek restaurant and I have heard great things about it. It’s decorated traditionally, and has a menu that, even in English, we didn’t know what half the things were. We ordered chicken soup for Andrei, Uzbek bread for us all, borsht and a fried cheese tortilla thing for me, and potato dumplings for Brent. It was all really really good. I would totally go back, just for the borsht. Yummy!
Anyway, Andrei wouldn’t touch his soup or anything really. He was acting weird. Usually he melts down by giggling uncontrollably and acting generally like a 2 year old, but at the restaurant he was acting all grumpy and growly. We kept him sort of occupied through dinner and then as we were finishing up it escalated and he started picking the sesame seeds off the bread and throwing them at us. *rolling eyes* So Brent asked for the check and took Andrei outside while I paid up. Andrei ran ahead of Brent, right out the door, and then realized that he wanted back in, but Brent prevented him. So Brent got yelled at. Then I got outside and got yelled at too for a while until he was calm enough to get his coat on and we walked home.
Later I looked up one of the words that Andrei was yelling and found that he had called me ‘evil’. I sort of find that funny.
I feel like I just need to walk around with a huge sandwich board saying I’m sorry for my son’s craziness. Although most people we encounter see that we are American, and Andrei is not, and I think they hopefully get the picture.

After we got home, we threw Andrei in the bath and then watched some TV and Snow White and now he’s in bed again, tonight with minimal trauma.

My “adoptive parents support team” tells me it’s better that he’s acting up sooner than later. They say that the longer the ‘honeymoon’ lasts, it is exponentially longer attachment time afterward. So I take comfort in that fact. Also that he is now equally pissy to both Brent and I and that I’m not just the bad guy. We will get through this, and I will be able to leave my house someday. :)

Church in Moscow

I didn’t post last night because bedtime went so badly that I was just too upset to say anything nice. The whole day I was kind of sick of being ignored and blamed for every wrong thing, and then bedtime turned into a power struggle and of course I was the bad one and Brent was the one to run to for comfort. I kind of lost my patience and stormed into the other room. Every evening, though I seem to run across a verse or a quote that makes me feel better and refills me. And that’s what happened last night. After surfing my favorite laugh site, I was able to go to bed with everyone else and not sleep in the other room. In the morning I was able to say good morning and kiss him on the head and restart the day - even though he was extra grumpy.

So today was Sunday. We didn’t make it to church last Sunday so I said we were going to go today. Yesterday Dima told us he was busy though, and couldn’t take us (another thing that added to the bad day). So I got up and found the metro station and how to get there and told Brent we were going. Then Dima called and said the other family overslept and he was able to take us to church. Which was extra good because it wasn’t where I thought and we surely would have gotten lost.

We went to Good News church, of which the pastor is a friend of a friend. The church was held in a theater - not sure if they owned it or not. We went into the main sanctuary and saw an announcement saying that if you needed English translation, sit in this certain section. So we moved over there and each got little headsets. Then worship started but it was super loud and Andrei was covering his ears. I saw that they had a children’s program so the two of us went off to find it. There was an English speaking parent there which helped me get him signed in and the worker lady tried to convince Andrei to join the other children but he was wary. There were leather couches to the sides so we sat on them and he watched from a distance. I think the whole place made him nervous, and then seeing a bunch of kids without their parents I think made him really edgy. He stuck to me pretty solidly. Then the singing started down there and it was too loud for him there too (I’m kind of wondering how he’ll do at our church - we might just have to come late for a while). So we went back to the adult service.
We sat outside the room until it seemed like the loud worship was over, then we went back in to find Brent.
Andrei was okay during the service. He was fidgety and talked a lot - probably like any 6 year old who has a hard time sitting still and had never been to church before. But we made it through. Then at the end they served communion, and we passed the plates over Andrei’s head but the server offered it to him and we didn’t stop him. He ate the bread right away, and spilled half the cup onto the seat in front of him. D’oh! At least the seats were red. And that Andrei’s sweatshirt was red, because he used his sleeve to clean up (rub in) the spill, and then proudly show papa what a good job he did, grinding grape juice into the cushion. And that was Andrei’s memorable first communion.
Afterward someone invited us to ‘international fellowship’ but it was clear that Andrei was ready to go, so we went to find Dima and left. We had hoped to talk to the pastor and tell him hello from our friend, but maybe next week. Dima took us to the grocery store and kindly kept Andrei in the van with him so Brent and I could rush through. Then we went home.
The rest of the day was normal. Andrei’s favorite new movie is Jungle Book. The cleaning lady gave it to him. She must have found it somewhere in the apartment because it didn’t have a case and was kind of beat up. But it still plays all the way through and even though it’s in English, Andrei shushes us and watches it with much interest. He’s had to have seen it before. In fact, during the beginning credits, I think he recited the whole story to us.

Andrei’s food issues are getting better. At first today he was really angry that I held the ‘food bowl’ and would only give him one piece of fruit at a time, but he got over it. He also learned “thank you” in English and says that about half the time instead of in Russian. Also, I make him tell me how many pieces of whatever he wants, and we count in English - I think he can recite to ten now. The only annoying thing is having to get up and follow him to the kitchen every half hour. But now he tries to hid behind the fridge and we try to scare each other, so it’s a little fun to be playing with him instead of arguing.
He still hides food a bit, but we’re more careful to watch him and we point out that he has to eat that before he can get more.
I’m not sure if I should be proud or horrified to say that today he ate an entire medium sized jar of sweet pickles, and even drank some of the juice. I don’t know how this kid doesn’t have the hugest gut ache. Blech.
I did find the magic food that he can not resist - Gummi Bears. I got almost a whole bagful of kisses and he always goes and shows papa the handful he’s accumulated. He even sat by me during the movie for a bit tonight, and he gave me a goodnight kiss - no candy required. :) It made my day. :)

Now I’m done. Tonight, Marina left for Chuvashia to escort another couple to court, and also to pick up Andrei’s paperwork so we can go home! Yay!

Attachment

Today was a difficult attachment day. It is becoming more and more apparant that Andrei has some serious issues - more than we thought.

I understand that he has had women in and out of his life for years, but yet no mother. He has not, however, had any men in his life ever. So Brent is a wholly wonderful new thing to him. A dad is awesome and wonderful. I know this. This is normal and expected. It doesn't make it hurt any less.

Andrei will go to Brent but not me. He will hug Brent like the world's going to end but won't even look up when I say his name. He doesn't notice if I go away for 2 hours, but had a melt-down because Brent was in the bathroom for 5 minutes. If I sit by him on the bed (watching TV) and reach out to touch him, he'll tolerate it for a few minutes but then move to the floor.
Brent feels bad, but I just keep reminding myself that it will get better.

We also decided to stop limiting food. After lunch he ate a huge apple and a pear. For dinner he ate a yogurt and a tomato. After that he ate a hot dog, an orange, and another tomato. Then while his mouth was still full, he was running back to the kitchen again. I offered him ice cream and he danced around and practically dug into the carton with his fingers.

A common attatchment therepy is the parent feeding the child, but only give it if they make eye contact or give a kiss. It shows them that mamas and papas provide good things, and it's okay to show love to them. We did this earlier in the week and it went fine after he understood the game.
Today I walked into the bedroom with his ice cream and turned off the TV and told him he had to come by me to get some ice cream. He hid in the corner. Brent coaxed him out and I showed Andrei that if Brent kissed me, he got ice cream. Andrei proclaimed that he didn't want ice cream - ice cream was blech. Then he hid again. Then he ran to his backpack and pulled out a pear that he had hidden. He practically inhaled it in a panic. His behavior just kept escalating and he kept running through the apt. and the neighbors started pounding on the wall so we picked him up and pulled him into the second bedroom.
He played with the blinds for a bit and then we proclaimed it bedtime. He shreiked and we laid him down. He fake snored and kept sitting up and we kept telling him it was sleep time. Then he started crying a bit, said "I want ..something I didn't understand.." and completely passed out.

Poor baby. :( Actually he's more like a wild animal - completely afraid and feral.

He's sleeping and Brent is playing PSP - afraid to leave him alone. If he wakes up alone he might completely freak out.

So today was not so great. It actually started out well, but just went downhill from about lunch. Then for dinner I thought I had made Brent and I cheese ravioli but it was some weird cream cheese frosting ravioli. ? What the heck? Who would eat that? It was disgusting.

It helps that DH and Andrei go to bed so early because I can have a few hours to myself to regroup and psyche myself up for the next day.

-----
One more thing.
I hate to say this so close to Christmas and Andrei's birthday.... Another common attachment therapy is to prevent the giving of gifts to the child by anyone but the parents. All and any good things must come from mama and papa. Especially candy or sweets. So, grandparents and friends, just warning you now. I hope it doesn't come down to that, but it might. I know you want to spoil him rotten, but you'll have many Christmases and birthdays in the future to do so.

Just another Wednesday

Well we've had Andrei for one week now, and I think things are getting better. At least he is not running around putting our headphone jacks into wall sockets (we hid them) or turning the TV volume up allll the way because he doesn't know what buttons to push on the remote (we hid that too)

Today we all slept in until 8 AM - since we finally got online, I 'accidentally' stayed up until midnight catching up on things. Andrei has been sleeping about 12 hours a night, so we're happy for that. haha

We tried the school thing again and Andrei colored a picture and wrote his name and did a puzzle again. We played an Andrei version of Memory with Skip-Bo cards. Then I tried to show him how to make a snowflake out of a folded papertowel, but he cut it in half. We only had adult scissors so it was proably kind of hard for him. Then he cut some shapes out of a workbook. Then we sang and he covered Brent's mouth the whole time. Then he counted the leaves on the wallpaper - in English! Lots of high-fives for that. Then he ran off and we let him go.

New words - nose, ostrich, elephant (sometimes), Good Job, and 1-2-3-4 :)

I went online and found a bigger grocery store a little further down the road, so I ventured out for lunch. I also found a huge book store and bought some clay, a copy book, some construction paper, and some kid's scissors. Then to the grocery store which was the nicest I've seen so far. Also down that road is a coffee place and a kid's clothing shop which I think we're going to try for tomorrow.
Also on the way home I stopped at a little kiosk that sold these quesadilla looking things but deep fried kind of. I'm not sure what they were, but I bought a cheese one for myself and meat ones for Brent and Andrei. They were about a dollar each. I liked mine, Brent was indifferent, and Andrei wasn't hungry, or maybe he just didn't like it because it sort of had gotten cold.

The neighbor pounded on our door again (the husband this time, not the angry wife) and I made Andrei come listen so he knew to quiet down.

After that we decided to go out again. I had seen a park on Google Maps so we tried that, but it really was just a big mud hole. Well, an iced over mudhole. No play equipment or anything. So Andrei and Brent thew snowballs at a tree, and then a littered water bottle. Then I didn't feel like cooking so we walked to TGIFridays which I had seen on my earlier walk. It was nice to eat Americanish food and read an English menu (Interesting fact: the English translations of menues are signed and notarized by the government - probably the health department).

After that we went home, watched some TV and then got ready for bed. It was a little bit of an ordeal because he can not settle himself down. If he gets on a kick, he just hits and yells and laughs and can not stop himself. We try to hold him close but that seems to work him up even more. We're still trying to figure out what to do. If we were at home it would be better because we wouldn't have to worry about these neighbors and he could get some more energy out.
Every day is a new day. It's getting better.

Back to the real world on Tuesday

So all of our dinnertime prayers have been somehting along the lines of "Dear God, help Andrei not be such a spaz, and please, PLEASE let us get internet back soon" Apparantly God needed the extra 'please' ;)

The instruction book for the internet connection was wrong, so the apartment manager had to send a tech out (500R), but the door buzzer doesn't work so when he (supposably) came yesterday "we weren't home" (we were). Today we called a bunch of times and assured them that we would be home and please just come up and knock on the door. And he finally showed up around 5 PM.

And the phone - we couldn't call home either. The apartment advertises free international calling, but every time we'd call the number it wouldn't accept the passcode. Then we figured out it was because all the phones are pulse (like a rotary phone). Today we finally found a phone on a bottom shelf, not plugged in, that had pulse and tone settings. So we hooked it up and I finally called my mom about 4:30 CST, but she was happy to hear that we were alive and well.

And, we got the TV to speak English, which makes Andrei very unhappy, but we sneak it in once in a while. It actually makes the cartoons more annoying, so we switch it back to Russia every time.

We are all going stir-crazy here. The weather is bad and there are no parks nearby. So Andrei just watches TV all the time. Nickelodean and Cartoon Network. It's getting old. Brent and he had a tickle fight one morning, and the neighbor lady pounded on our door and cussed him out, so now we have to keep sort of quiet on top of everything.

Today we had no appointments or anything to do, so I decided to start homeschooling. Haha.
I brought him in the kitchen and he colored a picture. Then he traced his name and wrote it for the first time in the correct order. Then he ran away. So I bribed him back with candy and taught him the colors with M&Ms. Then we did half of a puzzle and he ran away again. The candy bribe didn't work, so Brent held him on his lap and we looked at his picture book and said the animals (his first English word was Lion - he learned it a couple of days ago) and then we named body parts. Then we sang the ABC song and 'Silent Night' Then he was getting all worked up so we did our 'exercies'. We did non-jumping jacks, and touched our toes and did situps and push ups and stood on one foot. Then he hid under the bed, so we gave up.
It lasted about forty five minutes - not bad for a first run. :)

Then we ate lunch and went back to playing in the bedroom. I needed a break so I decided to take a walk and see what was around. It was raining lightly, but at least it wasn't too cold. There is nothing around. No parks, no children's things, nothing. There is a very expensive mall that I got the evil eye for walking through and a bank. So I went back home.

Later Andrei was getting stir-crazy again, so we all decided to go for a walk, and go the other way from where I went. There was a restaurant we might try (bring the dictionary), a movie theater, a few higher end shops, I think a mall, and some casinos. Andrei looked cold so we stopped at the grocery store for some water and then went home. There were some teenss begging in the underpass, and I couldn't even look up because I thought I'd cry. :( All I kept thinking about was Andrei's siblings and what will become of them (they're all adults so no adoptions for us) He's never met any of them. I wonder if he has younger siblings that we dont' know about. :(

Three of the Bradshaws went home today - the mom and the two girls. They had to get back to school, so dad stayed with Sasha and is leaving the same day we are. I'm not sure when we're going to hook up with them again, but for sure on Sunday we're going to try church so we'll see them then.

Well, Brent and Andrei are both asleep so I should probably wiggle my way in between Kick-Boy and the wall. :) Tomorrow will be a better day that we can find something to do! Or at least introduce Andrei to the wonders of the internet..... (don't tell Brent)

Oh yeah, Andrei got really really mad at me for the first time today. I didn't take it personally. He kept putting our (well, his now) luggage keys in his mouth and a couple of kopek coins that he found so I took them away. He hid in the corner for a half hour and told Brent that he didn't love me. I'm sure that won't be the first time. A few hours later I gave them back only after making him repeat after me "Nee ruble yest" and "Nee klooch yest" (don't eat the rubles and the keys). And now he's forgotten all about it of course.

Pictures!

Here!

Keep checking back for more.

Across the top is all the albums

:)

We're alive!

Hey! We had some trouble getting internet, but we're here now! I just posted our whole trip so far, so here are the links :)

Wecome back to the real world!

From Chicago to Moscow

First Day in Moscow

Tran and Orphanage - Wednesday

Cheboksary

Cheboksary on Thursday

Friday - Court day :)

Back in Moscow - Saturday

Sunday - Flea Market

Monday - Doctor

The Apartment

Observations about Russia so Far

Observations about Russia so far

- There are no clocks anywhere, so wear a watch
- the especially busy stoplights have timers so you can see how long you have to wait yet
- all the coffee is instant, even in the nicest restaurants
- pedestrians do NOT have the right of way so don’t try and cross the street when there are cars coming because they will not stop for you. You will see people who have maybe forgotten this and are now lying in the road.
- no one really plows or shovels or salts, but people drive the same regardless
- baby buggies have snow tires
- instead of strollers, people pull their toddlers around on sleds
- Very few women drivers - maybe why it is so dangerous
- A lot of buildings are plaster and concrete and the electrical wires are mounted outside of the wall (encased of course)
- On Dora the Explorer in America you learn Spanish, but in Russia they teach the kids English
- Instead of having the electric towel heaters that we plug in in America, they just reroute the hot water pipes and hang towels on them.

The Apartment

The apartment. Dima dropped us off at our apartment and helped us carry our luggage up. The door was just a plain door n the side of the building - you would have missed if you hadn’t known it was there. The stairs were concrete and there was an elevator. It kind of looked like an old freight elevator where you had to shut the wire door to get it to work, and then there were wooden doors inside to protect you from the elevator shaft. Only the three of us barely fit in. I pointed out a TMNT sticker on the ceiling to Andrei, only too look over and notice that every other sticker was not for children’s eyes….
The apartment does not exactly look like the pictures on the website. It’s nice enough, once you adjust your expectations a little. Dima told us that it would sell for about $250K since it is in the Moscow center and near a big shopping district. Brent compares it to being In Manhattan and almost in the Bronx, but not quite.
But it’s home.
Right when you walk in the door there is a coat closet. To your right there is the toilet room where the light-switch is too high for Andrei to reach so we have to go with him every time he has to pee, or he will jump all over the place trying to reach it.
If you walk straight there is the shower and sink room to your right, then the kitchen. The kitchen has a small table for three, a stove, washing machine, sink and fridge. You could probably use everything while still sitting at the table - it’s so small. Then cupboards above with dishes and tea and such. There is also an electric tea pot which boils water in about 2 minutes and Brent has fallen in love with.
If you go left from the front door there will be a bedroom on the right. It kind of has a couch bed thing, and a TV and closet. That’s also where the clothes line dryer is.
At the end of the hallway is the main bedroom with a queen bed, two chairs, a desk and a TV and some shelves. That’s pretty much where we spend most of our day.
Right down the street is the American Embassy. We have to go there to get Andrei’s visa so we can just walk. The other way is a London Pub and Brent and I thought they might have a take-out menu in English but I haven’t gone inside and asked yet.

It’s a small place with thin walls and the hallway is kind of scary, but like I said, it’s home.

Monday - the doctor

Monday we woke up and had a real breakfast of eggs, sausage and fried potatoes. Then we waited for Dima to pick us up for the kids’ doctor appointments.
They have to be checked out for the American Embassy to get their visas. The doctor took them each and checked their reflexes, weight and height, and balance. Andrei weighs 47 lbs and is 47 inches tall - just a little more than when we saw him last. They also wanted to get a chest x-ray because he tested for latent TB but it came out clean.
We still can not get online and Brent called the main office all day only to finally get someone who was translating for the Russian IT person and it was all wrong. They are sending someone out on Tuesday to look at it, and hopefully that means I can post all of these posts that I’ve been writing.
Also the cleaning lady stopped by and I told her to come back tomorrow - maybe in the early afternoon. So we have to get out of the house. I looked at the temperature and it is warming up so we’ll probably take a walk down Arbat street and see what shops there are - and maybe find some more things for Andrei to do since all he does all day is watch TV

Sunday - the flea market

Sunday Dima picked us up with the Bradshaws and took us to the flea market. It was cool with lots of stands with matroishka dolls, tapestries, scarves, hats and Russian antiques. Lots of booths had old cameras and a few have watches. Every time we saw one of those Andrei freaked out because he wanted one, and he wouldn’t listen when we told him he had a watch at home (we bought him one for his birthday). We bought some gifts and a couple of movies for Andrei. Oh, and a model taxi car which he is in love with and won’t let out of his sight.
We didn’t stay too long because it was super cold out - probably about 10F and then then it was humid and windy on top of that. So everyone was freezing and the boys were both getting over-stimulated. Which is a give-in since Andrei is pretty much over stimulated about 2 minutes after waking up.
So we left there and Dima took us to a bigger grocery store where we didn’t have to ask for everything and I bought lots of fruit, some deli salads, hot dogs, bread, snacks, yougurt, and ice cream of course. And salt and paprika. And a frying pan.
The rest of the day was uneventful. We tried to watch one of his movies but he wasn’t interested, so he had a bath and then to bed.

Back in Moscow - Saturday

We got back on the train and Andrei and Sasha had so much fun visiting each other’s cars. Then Andrei started feeling kind of sick so we put him to bed.
The rest of the train ride was uneventful, and we arrived back in Moscow the next morning.
We went back to Marina’s house and she fed us breakfast and we waited around until we could call our apartment manager to have early check-in.
Dima took us grocery shopping and then we went to the apartment. The apartment warrants its own post...
After we unpacked and started some laundry, I made dinner which was kind of a joke. I got all the ingredients for fajitas. But I neglected to get any type of spice at all. Also, there was no frying pan in the apartment, so I had to cook it all in pots. So we had tortillas with plain ground beef, plain sauteed peppers, and monterey jack cheese. But we were so hungry we just didn’t care.
I had to get some water so I ventured to the grocery store that Dima had pointed out across the street. I was so paranoid to cross the street so I just waited until there was another person and I rushed right after them. The grocery store had everything behind a counter and you had to ask for it. I chickened out so I just left. I noticed a kiosk outside the store, so I picked out some water, potato chips, and M&Ms and managed to get out without looking too dumb.
We watched some more TV and then decided it was time for Andrei’s bed. Actually I think it was about 6 but it gets dark so early we couldn’t really tell. And half the clocks are an hour off.
So we put him in his pajamas (my Tshirt) and put him in his bedroom. That lasted about five minutes. He was all jacked up and would not calm down. Brent and I both tried to keep him there which resulted in him crying for the first time since we met him. That resulted in me crying. I gave up and let Brent handle it, since he calmed down when Brent was around. After a while Brent came in and said he didn’t think Andrei would sleep in there so we pulled him into our room and we all piled on the bed and fell asleep.

Friday - Court Day

We called the front desk for a wake up call at 6 but both woke up before then.
We both got dressed in our nice court clothes and were finishing up our speeches when Marina collected us for breakfast.
Andrei went and hung out with the other family and we went to the courthouse.
Court started at ten and the judge was a little late. In the room was us, the translator, the inspector, the orphanage director, the prosecutor, and the court reporter who wrote everything out by hand.
First the judge went over all the rules, saying we had access to the notes later if we wanted, she had everyone introduce ourselves, she looked over our passports, and then we got on with the case.
Brent volunteered to give his speech and Song first, and he did very well.
Then everyone had opportunity to ask him questions. They mostly asked about our unusual housing situation (since we rent from the church) but they also asked about how we’re going to school him, how Brent will make time for him and work, if we can afford to raise him, how we’re going to discipline, and more things I don’t remember.
When he was done I made my speech which was significantly shorter since I didn’t have to repeat everything Brent had said and then I had to do the Song too. Everyone got to ask me questions which mostly was the prosecutor asking me how I was going to manage not to kill him. (she was citing cases in America when the mothers have PPD or something and injure their kids). The judge asked me a lot of questions about if and how I was going to keep his Russian heritage. But my question part was much shorter than Brent’s too, thank heavens.
Then the orphanage director gave her speech and she talked about Andrei’s history and how there was no family to claim him. She also spoke about his trip to visit us and how he enjoyed it and did well in our family. She told us that Andrei was baptized in the Russian Orthodox church. Then she was done.
At noon we had a lunch break and all met Marina at a nearby cafe until 1:30.
When we got back it was the inspectors turn. She gave Andrei’s family history again, and then went on to talk about what she had observed from spending time with us. She said that it was obvious that Andrei had already ‘claimed’ us - especially Brent. She said when we got to the hotel the first time, Andrei was sad because he thought we were going right to America, but when he found out that he got to stay with us, he was okay with it. She then said that Andrei had been waiting a very long time for a family and she thought that we were the family he had dreamed of. It was very affirming, especially after lunch the day before.
After that we had a 15 minute break but the translator said she didn’t know why.
Then the judge came back and the prosecutor spoke. She talked about how Andrei was legally on the database as an orphan and had been for the required amount of time, and all of his family history yet again.
After that we gave our closing statements which for us was the Song again. The inspector and director both recommended us, and the prosecutor said we fulfilled all the legal requirements of becoming adoptive parents, but she did not support waiving the ten days.
Then another break - when the judge could decide her ruling.
The judge came back about an hour later and read a sheet summarizing the entire case, and ended with saying that she granted us legal parental rights, change his name to Andrei Rockwell Homer, change his birth place, but leave his birth date the same, and not waive our ten days wait.
We were done at about 4:30.
We went back to the hotel and ate a quick snack and celebrated some - only once though - I couldn’t handle three times.
Then we packed and were back on the train by 6 PM. Andrei said goodbye to his orphanage director (and mother for the past 4 years) and left Chuvashia forever.

Cheboksary on Thursday

Thursday was uneventful. Andrei did have a shower which he thought was the funniest thing in the world. And I think I got just as wet as he did, even though I tried my hardest to keep the door shut.
The other couple had court so we didn’t really have anything to do. Marina came by for Andrei to have his passport picture taken and we took advantage of the 20 minutes of Andrei-lessness by sitting in the quiet and reading uninterrupted. When Marina came back, she took us all to a souvenir shop and we bought a few things. The driver was busy picking up the other couple so we had some extra time to look around. The theme of the day was trying to keep Andrei from grabbing and touching everything. Finally Brent just took him and waited outside.
Lunch that day was a little stressful because Andrei’s orphanage director was there and the inspector and Marina too so there were three ‘mothers’ all telling Andrei what to do, hands off the table, sit up straight, eat your food, etc. I felt a little overshadowed and like I wasn’t teaching him. I think even someone there told me he was old enough to learn how to act at the table. I said it would be better if I knew what and how to say it. So I felt kind of bad, but the next meal I tried extra hard to ‘pick on him’ and then later complain to Brent that cleaning your plate is not going to be a rule in our home - especially adult sized portions that I could barely eat.
Later that evening the court translator and the inspector came to our room and filled us in on Andrei’s medical and family history. They also coached us for court and told us what to expect and what we should say at what times. She told us that we both had to write 20 minute speeches basically outlining everything that was already in our home-study.
She also told us about the “Song” (what the translator called it) which was asking the court to grant us parental rights, to change his name to our family name (no patronymic), to change his birth place, to leave his birth date the same, and to waive the 10 day wait. She called it the Song because we had to know it backward and forward and repeat it four times throughout the court.
That made us nervous - we didn’t know any of this stuff before. So we got ready for bed and decided to work on most of it in the morning.

Cheboksary

The region we were in is Chuvashia, and the capitol is Cheboksary. That is where we had court, so we had to drive from Shumerlya (where the orphanage is) to Cheboksary. First we went to a park and had to wait for the ‘inspector’ of the city to meet us there because she had to come to court with us. They called her the ‘inspector’ but I think she was really more of the city’s Child Protective Services person.
The kids played in the park a while and then we were on our way.
It was about a 2 hour drive - longer than usual because of the weather - and we had 10 people, plus the two boys crammed into a van with all of our luggage. I find it kind of weird that I’m so obsessive about Andrei’s booster seat back in the US, but here he mostly sits on my lap everywhere we go - and even if he sits in a seat, there are never any seat-belts.
I think Andrei doesn’t like cars much - he seems to get a tummy ache pretty easily. But we managed to make it to our hotel with no sickness.
We checked into our room, which was three rooms really - a bedroom, a living area, and a huge bathroom. There is one Ikea in Moscow, and everything everywhere is decorated with Ikea furniture. Our bed actually was the same bed that we had my dad copy when he built ours. We unpacked a few things and then went downstairs for a late lunch.
There was a cafe attached to the hotel and that is where we ate every day. Every meal included salad (not lettuce, but tuna or chicken salad with mayo - or a greek salad or coleslaw for me), soup, and a main course. Most of the time it was a cutlet, potatoes and vegetables, or I had what they called goulash - mixed vegetables and mushrooms in a sauce. Anyway, all the food was great and we were always stuffed at the end of the meal.
After lunch we went up to our room and Andrei played with the TV. Brent and I bought a 100R internet card and we got online quick. Brent thought it was data-based and not time based though because it ran out after just 15 minutes of downloading Brent’s email.
We crashed pretty early in the evening. I think the couch was meant for Andrei, but there were only two pillows and no extra blankets, so we all slept in the king sized bed. We also realized at that time that I had forgotten to pack Andrei’s pajamas, but we thought he’d be warm enough between us so he just slept in his undershirt and shorts.
Our room was so light that I had to convince Andrei that it actually was night as he kept wanting to get up and watch more TV.
And there was evening and there was morning the first day of parenthood.

The Train and the Orphanage - Wednesday

We all piled into Dima’s van and barely all fit but we squished and headed to the train station. Brent and I had our own car for our selves and it was pretty nice. There were two benches with a half table, and then two bunk beds above. The benches folded down into a bigger bed and there were sheets and pillows, and cute little boxed lunches for all of us. Then Marina came in and told us that they had put her in a car with three men, and could she sleep in our car? We gladly welcomed her. She said that usually there were all-women compartments and she didn’t understand why they would put a woman alone like that. We talked for a little while and then settled in to sleep.
The train was comfortable. It was a little hard to sleep if you are not used to the jerking and shaking and stopping at multiple stations through the night. Brent didn’t sleep much at all and I got about 4 hours and we both woke up with a stiff back.
Marina said that the train would stop in Shumerlya about 6 AM so she set her alarm for 5. When we woke up she talked to the conductor and he said the train was running late so it would be a little while yet. She told us that the train would only stop for 2 minutes, so we had better be ready to go. We piled up all of our luggage by the exit so we could just jump right out when the train stopped. The train slowed down and Marina went to check where we were and came running back saying this was it! We gave the room one last check and rushed out the door. One of the Bradshaw girls had forgotten her shoes so Mr. Bradshaw and Marina went back on the train to look for them and it started moving! So we all started yelling and then they hopped off and Marina started yelling at the conductor for not warning us about the stop, and for also not stopping even one minute for us to get off. She was pretty upset, for good reason. They had to emergency stop the train for everyone to get off. The station worker said that was only the second time that train had ever been stopped so that conductor would pay dearly for his mistake!
We met our new driver - Sergei and cramped into his van and headed to the orphanage.
We got there about 7 AM and a woman met us at the door and ushered us into the director’s office (she wasn’t in that day). The children were just waking up so we had to wait a few minutes. About a half hour later, we heard some kids out in the hallway so we went to see and met Andrei standing there. :) Andrei jumped right up into Brent’s arms and choke hugged him forever, it seemed. Then I tapped him on the arm and he climbed down from Brent and up to me. I kissed him a million times and started to cry. I think Brent got a little misty eyed but he might not admit that.
Then the Bradshaw’s Sasha came in and a was little shy at first, but eventually warmed up to them. They didn’t do the Lighthouse thing, because Sasha was too young (only 5) so this was their second time at the orphanage. This was the first time the girls got to meet him so that was cool.
Marina had to do some business for another Lighthouse trip so we sat and talked sort of for a little while. We showed Andrei the pictures we brought and he remembered Dyadushka and Babushka (grandparents). Then we went for breakfast. Andrei and Sasha weren’t really hungry - I think they were nervous having us there. We were in a special room where the worker said they celebrate birthdays and such. After that we went to see Sasha’s classroom and hand out candy and then Andrei’s classroom to hand out more candy. The older kids were in school so we didn’t get to see them.
Each class has up to ten children in it and it’s divided by age. There are two rooms, one with all the beds lined up and some storage, and then the other play room. There are plants, blocks, games, books, an art display wall, a TV and some tables for coloring and group projects. It really looks a lot like a kindergarten classroom except for the adjoining bedroom.
After that we went back into the directors office and waited for a little while longer while Marina took care of some more business and then she came in saying it was time to go. So we put on Andrei’s new shoes and put his slippers aside, and got out his new coat and hat. We were on our way out and I asked the director if Andrei knew that he was leaving forever. She reminded him and he raced off to say goodbye once more to his friends. Then he raced back past us yelling something and all the Russians laughed. They said that the slippers he was wearing were borrowed and he had to return them to the boy they belonged to. Then he came back and was all ready to go. The classroom teachers came out to the van with us and gave them big hugs and said their goodbyes and Andrei left the Detsky Dom forever.

Everyone says we’re ‘saving’ Andrei from this orphanage, but it was obvious he was cared for and relatively happy there. It almost seems cruel to take him from all of his friends and throw him into a country and family where he doesn’t know the language and there are no other children in the family. But I look at him and see how ill-prepared he is for normal life - even at 6 years old he’s more like a 3 year old - and I look ten years down the road when he is too old to stay at the orphanage and not old enough to go into the world, and I see how these children just completely fail at life. Maybe we are saving him, maybe we are just providing a place where he can grow up to be a productive and happy adult. And maybe he is saving us.