Well that's embarrassing

Today I lost my temper and yelled at Andrei. Then later I apologized and said sometimes mama gets angry and is the bad guy. He asked me if we wanted to pray that Jesus would help me not be angry.

So he did.

It was very cool and very humbling.

Here comes the sun

I haven't written in a while, I know. The past month or so has been really hard. I think it was a really difficult getting used to the life of a mom - a working mom at that. It was nothing like I could have ever expected - and not in a good way. It's hard to write about, because I don't want to imply that I don't like it. I think I'm finally getting to like it.

When a woman has a baby, her body actually produces hormones that causes her to love her baby. Birth and breastfeeding are designed this way. Adoptive parents don't get that boost. I guess even when people adopt babies, they get lots of squishy cuddly time, but we don't have much of that. Andrei is just starting to feel comfortable enough to relax by us on the couch. Not trying to make excuses or anything, but it's been hard.

I love Andrei, intellectually. I know in my head that he's my son and my responsibility and I'm his mom. But to really start loving him, it's more difficult than I thought. When you marry someone, you at least get to know them before they move in with you and encroach on your personal space.


Anyway, I titled this post with a much happier title than I what I'm writing about. Things have been better this past week. I am taking better care of myself than I was before - I have to. I have learned that the hard way - I'll go crazy I've found. I hooked myself up with another mom and she listens to my situations and offers advice and accountability. The weather is helping too - the sunny days - I even hung clothes out today.
So I'm sure everything from here on out will not be all rosy and wonderful. It is a work in progress. But things are getting better. We're getting to know each other. And I'm finding out he's a pretty cool kid. Even if he did just fart in my face....

I love numbers

T: I love you
A: I love you too
T: I love you three
A: I love you four
B: I love you five
T: I love you six thousand!
A: I love you seventeen thousand!
B: I love you twenty thousand!
A: I love you ... BIG AWESOME!!
B&T: Well, I guess you can't beat that!