The letter I'm writing right now...

We respectfully request this Honorable Court to register and recognize us as the legal parents of G***, Andrei S***, dob Dec 21, 2000. We also request this Honorable Court to change the family name of the child to Homer, his given name to Andrei Rockwell.

Every day is one day closer....


I've had this one song in my head for a few days now. It's really a love song, but there are a few lines that make me think of A every time

A thousand miles seem pretty far
But they've got trains and planes and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way


*sigh* I miss you, my little boy

Complete!

Thirty-four documents, all notarized, appostilled, and photcopied.
One deposit check for post placements.
Two and one quarter pounds of paper.
$13.63 in shipping to Michigan

And our dossier is on it's way to the coordinator. Hopefully there are no problems and it will be making it's way across the sea very, very soon.

A little bit about A's region

Russia.adoptionblogs.com has a little post about the Chuvash Republic, which is where A is.

Here is the link.

Beautiful

In my anguish I cried to the LORD,
and he answered by setting me free.
Psalm 118:5

Rosh Hashana

The LORD is my light and my salvation?
whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life?
of whom shall I be afraid?
Psalm 27:1

Tonight begins Rosh Hashana or Feast of Trumpets.

Rosh Hashana celebrates the Jewish New Year, the coronation of historical kings - and also God's Kingship, and God's rememberance of us.

Rosh Hashana is celebrated with the blowing of the ram's horn to remind the people to turn to God and forsake evil. After a worship service, everyone goes to their homes and celebrates with a feast filled with sweet breads and fruits to symbolize a sweet new year to come. Also, people make amends with each other and seek forgiveness from anyone they have wronged. No work is done, except cooking.
It's a happy holiday, but also a somber one because it is a reminder of God's judgement over our sins.

According to Jewish Tradition all the following happened on Rosh Hashana:

Adam and Eve were created
The Flood waters dried up
Enoch was taken by God (Gen. 5:24)
Sarah, Rachel, and Hannah (1 Sam. 1) conceived
Joseph freed from prison by Pharaoh
The forced labor of Hebrews in Egypt ended
Job contracted leprosy
Start of sacrifices on the altar built by Ezra (Ezra 3:1)


Rosh Hashana also begins the Ten Days of Awe (High Holy Days) before Yom Kippur, or the Day of Attonement. The ram's horn blast also a warning that God's judgement will come. The next ten days are of contemplation and prayer for God's mercy.


Rosh Hashana for Christians

Rosh Hashana points toward the second coming of Christ. The trumpet blast is paralleled in Revelation when it talks about Christ returning. Many Messianic Jews and Christians believe that this is when the Rapture will happen. When Jesus says that no one knows the day or the hour, it actually works out because Rosh Hashana is celebrated on the new moon, and they never knew exactly what day it would be coming.
Anyway, there are so many details and interesting corolations, that I can not even begin to list them. It's so interesting, and it fills me with awe how the Bible works together and all fits so perfectly.

I got most of this information at www.biblicalholidays.com so if you want to read more, that is a good place to start.

More about debt - in response to Dan

This post is in response to a comment I got from Dan on "Another big step". Actually, Dan, I knew your stance on going into debt for adoption before, and that's what led to such serious discussions between Brent and I before going for this loan. We just have come to different conclusions than you have.

Here's what Dan wrote:

We also wrestled with the question of whether or not to borrow. One of the best resources we found was at Crown Financial Ministries. The keys for us was:
1. Borrowing circumvented our need to trust God
2. Scripture never speaks of borrowing in a good way
3. It is not likely that God would ask you to do something using means that He thinks poorly of

I agree and disagree with you. Regarding your first point, I disagree because we still need to trust that God will provide the means to pay back the loan - and also, I'm not 100% sure that this loan will cover all of our adoption costs, so we need to trust that God helps us with the rest of the funding.

Regarding what the Bible says about borrowing. I just read through Proverbs the other day, and I was specifically looking for verses about debt, because it was weighing on my heart. I never really saw anything saying that debt is bad. The only thing that I saw that it says was that the borrower will be a slave to the lender - which is certainly true. The other thing I saw was that God was against getting into debt and not paying it back, or co-signing for someone (because you don't kow if he will pay it back, and then it will be on you).

I do agree that God would not ask you do do something, and then the only way to do it would be to go against another one of His principles. But, I don't think that God necessarily looks poorly on debt. I do think that He looks poorly on going into debt without considering the implications - there are many times in the Bible where it says not to take a vow carelessly. I think debt falls under the verse in Romans which says "Everything is permissable, not everything is beneficial" Debt may not be the best thing, but it's not prohibited. And surely getting Andrei home to us is beneficial to both him and us.

I'm pretty confident we did the right thing. I'm pretty much under the impression, that if you don't hear anything specifically from God, you should just do what you think is best and He will bless it. God gave us a mind and his Holy Spirit, so we can mostly trust what we think is right - as long as it lines up with His principles. You heard specifically from God that you shouldn't go into debt for your adoption, and I am enjoying reading how God is blessing your fundraising efforts. I think I was trying to convince myself that I had heard the same, but that wasn't the case. God still has provided the money - just with a little bit of help from Kohler Credit Union :)

The loan, the sermon, and Ecclesiastes

The last post I wrote about the loan we just applied for, the post before that I wrote about last week's sermon.
They kind of all go together with Ecclesiastes, which I just read today.

After church on Sunday, I told Brent I just wanted to apply for the loan, because I was obsessing about it too much, and I just wanted to get it over with. Then today I read Ecclesiastes and felt even more confident that for us, we were okay going back into debt.

The theme of Ecclesiastes is that nothing really matters. Everything is meaningless chasing after the wind - except loving God and keeping His commands. The details are not as important as the big picture of living a godly life.

This part that I found very interesting -

Do not be overrighteous,
neither be overwise—
why destroy yourself?
Do not be overwicked,
and do not be a fool—
why die before your time?
It is good to grasp the one
and not let go of the other.
The man who fears God will avoid all extremes

It even says there is balance on how religious we should be - not to completely seclude yourself in a spiritual bubble.

It may not seem like it corrolates to our adoption, but in my mind it does. I have to remind myself that it doesn't matter as much how we get to A, but that God put him in our lives and he will be ours.

Another big step

We've paid $15k so far for our adoption - with some help from friends and family and mostly just small fees that were spread out over months and months. But now our international fee is due and that alone is $13k, plus in a couple of months we'll need money to travel - probably close to $10k.
So we applied for a loan.

I didn't want to. Actually this weekend, Brent and I had a long and difficult discussion about what we should do. It would take us a year to save up that much, and I have some personal hangups about fundraising (whole other issue). I'm glad we've made it this far without needing one. Thanks to everyone who has helped us with that.

So I'm not looking forward to making payments again. But if you have been following this blog for a while, you'd know that we just finished paying off a $25k business loan in less than 3 years - so I'm confident that we'll be able to do it.

I think the most reason I'm sad is that I always thought I'd be a stay-at-home-mom, and now I will have to keep working (only part time, but still) until the loan is paid off. But I think I'm over that. I am so blessed with a good paying job that works so well with Brent's hours. The biggest sacrifice will actually be for Brent who will have to get up in the morning (unless he can get A to sleep until 10 - but I doubt that - haha).

So we'll find out tomorrow if we were approved, but I'm sure we will be. And if not, well, I don't know.

Breath of Fresh Air

This weekend's sermon was such a wonderful reassurance for my questioning, wandering, legalist self.

When God's Holy Spirit fills us, we don't need to question every action or feel guilt for anything - God lives in us and He will guide us in the path He wants for us.

Just what I needed right now. For some reason the Psalms seemed sweeter, big decisions seemed more clear, and I was renewed.

Tada!

We got our I-171H today! It was waiting in our mailbox when we got home from church. I was kind of expecting a fancy looking thick envelope, possibly personally delivered by a federal agent (riding on a horse) with trumpets and fanfare, but it was just in a plain business envelope stamped Homeland Security.

It says this:

NOTICE OF FAVORABLE DETERMINATION CONCERNING APPLICATION FOR ADVANCE PROCESSING OF ORPHAN PETITION

It has been determined that you are able to furnish proper care to an orphan or orphans as defined by section 101(B) (1) (F) of the immigration and nationality act.

Then it goes on to say what we have to do when we get home and within the next 18 months or our fingerprints will expire (they can expire?) and that they have emailed their reccomendation to Russia.

There is also another interesting piece of paper that warns prospective adoptive parents that not all children adopted abroad qualify as orphans. They are trying to protect against taking children of people who have not had their parental rights terminated - so you can't just go get a random kid and bring them back and say they are an orphan. Also I'm sure different countries have different laws about what constitutes an 'orphan'. I think in Russia, the parents have to have had no contact for at least 18 months before they become adoptable. As far as we know, A has had never had any contact with his parents.
Also, it says that if you want to adopt a non-orphan, they have to be under your legal guardianship for 2 years before you're allowed to adopt. I'm pretty sure I've heard of countries like that - where the child comes to America as a foster child, and then after a certain time the parents are allowed to file for adoption. There was just a story in the news a few months ago about a family who had a child for years and the birth-parents (China? - some Asian country) wanted them back. Everyone was all up in arms about the birth parents coming back to take their child away, but it really wasn't their child yet - just a foster child.
Anyway - every country is different, but the main point is that we got our paperwork, and apparantly we're not terrerists.

Not bad for a 3 year old, huh?

I painted my niece's toes, so she painted mine. I'd leave it on if I didn't have to go to a funeral today. So since I have to take it off, I thought I'd share :)

MMPI finally

We finally picked up Brent's finished MMPI. It's not exactly what we were hoping for, but it will have to do. At least it's over and we won't have to deal with it anymore.

One more piece of paperwork, and then we will have our whole dossier.

:)

God is a conservative, Jesus is a liberal

(Holy Spirit - Libertarian?)

In the past few years, I have seen my political opinions become more left than right. Reading the Old Testament is very difficult for me right now. I have to keep reminding myself that God knows people's hearts - He knows what's best - His wrath is just - He is protecting his people. But so much death and distruction - I am not looking forward to the prophets.

How can we mesh the Old and New Testament when God and Jesus seem like such different individuals?

Mitzvah

This was starting out as a post about a movie I watched last week (Ushpizin - Great movie - you should watch it.) and then it spiraled into a long thought train that delved into prayer and our work for God and God's law etc etc. So here goes.

The movie was about a couple who is very poor, so poor that they are behind on their rent and barely have money for food. What's more, the Feast of Tabernacles is coming up and they have no money to celebrate and build their sukkot. So they pray for a miracle, and the money comes (that's not all what the movie is about so I really didn't spoil the whole thing). I was going to write that it was a nice movie, but things like that just don't happen in real life. Then I was wondering why things like that don't happen in real life. We should be closer to God than we were before (Christ). But it seems like we see God working less and less.
But if God lives within us through the Holy Spirit...

In the Torah, there are 613 commandments. These are called mitzvah. After the temple was destroyed, the Jewish people declared that one could do good deeds instead, since they weren't allowed to make animal sacrifices any more. So mitzvah came to mean "good deed", and the goal was to perform 613 unselfish good deeds per year. There is controversy among the modern Jewish people whether mitzvah truly means 'commandment' or 'good deed'. Do we follow the laws of God only because He has commanded them or because we want to perform good deeds? Do we do them because we only want to obey God, or because we want to be good people?

Jesus said that he came not to abolish the law but to fulfill it. He fulfilled it in that now a mitzvah is not only obeying God's command in deed, but also in Spirit. Not only by our actions do we glorify God, but in our hearts also. So mitzvah really means both commandment and good deed. But, we don't have to do these mitzvahs to get on God's good side - we're already there through the blood of Jesus. We do them because God lives in us and blesses others through us.

Actually this reminds me of another movie - Evan Almighty - which we saw at BADCALFF (which also was great and you all should see). In it, Evan says he wants to change the world, and God tells him that the only way to change the world is through small acts of kindness.

So back to the first movie. I was getting all angry and cynical that things like that don't really ever happen, and then I realized it's because of us. I think I knew that all along, but maybe never thought about it before.
So perhaps the goal of the Christian life is simply to bless others.

Psalm 63:1

O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.

Joshua, Judges, Ruth, Samuel

I'm up to 1 Samuel now, and reading about David running from Saul. I wish I had his faith. The order I'm reading intertwined the Psalms in with the stories that they were written during - I really like it. Every Psalm I read starts off with David crying out to God and ends with him praising God for what He has not even done yet. How can I get this assurance?

Also, I've read many times where it says that the Lord never changes, He never changes His mind, man does not have any impact on what the Lord has set to do. So what is the point of prayer as supplication? For a while now, at least a year or so, I have been so uncomfortable asking for anything in prayer. I pray that God will help me in my spiritual disciplines, or protection from what might come against my marriage or my faith, or pray for wisdom in certain circumstances. But I don't feel right asking for anything else - like healing when I'm sick or any of my own desires. I mean, if God has His ultimate plan in the works, who am I to ask for my simple wishes? I have a feeling I'm wrong on this, but I don't know.


Today was also the first 'normal' day this month. It is amazingly difficult to avoid the computer and the TV. I'm checking my email constantly, and playing games on my phone - instead of reading or doing my housework. It seems I could be getting a lot more done without these fillers in my day.

Holy and Common

You must distinguish between the holy and the common, between the unclean and the clean. Leviticus 10:10

This verse is directed towards the Levites, but it really struck me. I go to an Assembly of God church (not knocking them just so you know), but I'm sad that we don't have the same Holy Days and sacraments that the Orthodox church has. I mean, we do have the same rituals of baptism and such, but it's not the same I don't think.

I've been researching Jewish holidays and I'm envious of their thousands of years of tradition and the connection between generations before. And celebrating Lent this past year was such a renewing experience for me.

Every other religion has Holy things, but it seems that Christians, who worship the one Holy and True God, have commonized everything.

Be holy because I, the LORD your God, am holy

I think this verse is what got me into this whole confused thinking.

How do we be holy? What does it mean? I understand that holy means to be separate and different, but what does that mean practically? Should we be physically separate like Amish or Catholic Monks? And how does that work with the verse that says we should be in the world and not of the world - now I can't find that verse of course.

Do different people have different levels of being holy? Do I have differerent rules than Brent does?

I almost think it would be easier to have set rules like in the Torah so you knew exactly how to act and what you needed to do.

I think that we should be listening to the Holy Spirit speaking within us, but how do you differentiate between what the Holy Spirit is leading you to do, and what you are doing out of guilt feelings. Also, how do you not go off the deep end and turn into Amish (sorry, Margaret) or something?

So many questions.

I do think, however that the Torah has a lot of good guidelines in it. It's interesting that so many of the rules were to keep the Israelites safe from disease that they wouldn't have known about yet or to keep justice and fairness for all parties. God knows what's best for us and doesn't just make up arbitrary rules for no reason.

God: not a member of PETA

I'm reading through Numbers at the moment, and I'm pretty shocked at the sheer number of sacrifices that the Isrealites had to make. I'm a firm believer that everyone will be veg*n in heaven, but reading through the rules and regulations that God had made it sound like a daily bloodbath at the temple.

I understand intellectually that there had to be a sacrifice of life in order to be with God, but I just don't get why it had to be the way it was. It seems so ... cruel. I think part of the reason I don't get it is because we live in a democracy and there is no culture that lives like this any more. Back then, every culture sacrificed to their gods, so God asked the Isrealites to do the same.

Also I'm wondering if Jewish people in Israel do this today.

I'm also kind of hung up on the specifics of the temple and all the furniture used. Like the table had to be X cubits by X cubits made from a certain kind of wood and overlayed with gold with gold sculptures of this exact height. Why be so detailed about it? The only thing I can think of is that God figured if He had to live there for a couple hundred years, it might as well be in a style He liked. Also, if it were up to the Levites or whoever was in charge of building the temple, there would just be a lot of arguing over what everyone thought it should look.

Job: Sometimes crap just happens

Job as in the book of the Bible, not job as in occupation.

So I finished reading Job yesterday. I'm not really sure why it's in the Bible - It's a pretty depressing book. The only thing I really got out of it was that bad things sometimes just happen for no reason - not because God is trying to punish us, or teach us a lesson; just because. And we shouldn't question God when bad things happen - sometimes it just does.

Actually I did feel my consciene pricked a bit when I was reading it. I was getting kind of bogged down around halfway though - it's a lot of repetition. So I tried to imagine the scene in my head - Job laying in the hospital, his buddies just telling him to do all these things and God would heal him and Job keeps saying that he's clean before God. Then I came to these verses:

How long will you torment me
and crush me with words?
Ten times now you have reproached me;
shamelessly you attack me.
If it is true that I have gone astray,
my error remains my concern alone.
If indeed you would exalt yourselves above me
and use my humiliation against me,
then know that God has wronged me
and drawn his net around me.
"Though I cry, 'I've been wronged!' I get no response;
though I call for help, there is no justice.

And I just imagined so many people that others look down on - people on welfare, teenage mothers, illegal immigrants, etc. that everyone talks about but no one ever helps out. Myself included. 'It's their own fault they're in the situation they're in - God must be against them' and everyone condemns them and no one helps them.
So I felt kind of bad. And humbled.
Lord, help me to be understanding and helpful instead of condemning.

September

I've been pretty confused lately about many things, specifically about what I believe theologically and who God is and how He deals with us. I feel like that verse in James where it says "he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind." So I've decided to back up a verse where it says "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."

I'm giving up most media for September. I signed off all of my message boards that I follow, and I'm not using the internet for anything except pointed and short times of research, and checking my email. Also after BADCALFF, I'm not going to watch TV or movies for the rest of the month.
Also, I've decided that I'm going to read through the whole Bible this month. I thought about doing a specific study or meditation on a particular passage, but I want to see the Bible as a whole and see how it interacts and parallels and works together. I'm going to be reading it chronologically as detailed here.

I'm putting this here not to brag or anything, but to be public about it so I can be held accountable.

So now you think that the next thing I say that I'm not going to be writing here for the next month, but actually I probably will be writing more than normal. I need to get out all the things I'm seeing and put them on paper, so I figured here would be a good place.
If you don't want to read a lot of disjointed ramblings about God with questions and doubts and thoughts, just come back in October. :)

Also I've always been very intersted in Jewish Biblcial holidays, and I found it very cool that the autumn holidays fall in September this year. Rosh Hashanah is September 13- Jewish New Year, which is a preceded by a time of introspection and then celebrated by putting off the old year and starting fresh for a new year. Yom Kippur is September 22 - the Day of Attonement where the priest would attone for the people, and we are to confess our sins and remember that God washes us white as snow. And the Feast of Tabernacles begins on September 27 and that is for remembering the 40 years in the desert and then moving on to the promiced land - a festival of joy.
I'm not Jewish, but all of these holidays hold significance for Christians too, and they all parallel events in Christ's life. I'll probably talk more about that later - but here's a nice link if anyone wants to read now - www.biblicalholidays.com