Home one week: all about mama
Mama has some big adjustments too. Mama is used to being home alone all day doing her own thing and with no one around to bother her. Not that Andrei is a bother.....
The last sermon I heard - in Russia - was about the man being let through the roof to see Jesus, and about how he had to trust his friends so much do let them help him in this way. It was about being vulnerable and allowing others to help you in your difficult times. I knew this sermon was for me, because I knew that I had a difficult time coming up and I have such a hard time accepting help from anyone.
Yes, this is a difficult time. Disorganization frusterates me and I think seven year old boys are the definition of disorganization. I feel like all I do all day is follow behind him and fix things back to 'my way'. I'm slowly getting over that though.
We thought the house was baby proofed, but it's not really Andrei proofed. Since he still is figuring out what belongs to whom, he explores and digs though everything. My office is generally the keeper of important papers, gifts, things that must not be lost, etc. and now he's wanting to go in there all the time and touch it all. Yesterday I finally loaded up a video game onto my computer so I could clean a bit in there and at least get the really important stuff out of the way.
Also, and I've heard this is true of all mothers, I've seen the limits of my temper, patience, guilt, frustration, gentleness, and self-control. I finally just started leaving the room when he starts lashing out at me, because I know I will start lashing right back at him - and I'm supposed to be the adult, right?
I don't really know how to act lovingly toward him, because I have my guard up too - Brent is so much better at that than I am. I bought the book Attaching in Adoption and I feel bad that I'm reading it to know how to act toward my own kid. But he doesn't feel like my kid yet - I have to learn as much as he does how to be in a family. It's very frusterating to me that I don't seem to have any mommy instincts, just survival methods. But he's still a stranger to me. At least with marriage you get to know the person before moving in together - this is a bit more sudden.
Being home all day is insanely boring - especially since Brent has been working more because of Christmas. At least now he has a few days off and then will be into a normal schedule. I'll be going back to work in January too, which I can't decide if I'm happy about or not. I don't think going back to getting up early (3 AM) will be much of an adjustment - because of jetlag, I'm still not sleeping past 4 AM. I think I won't like having to go to bed early because that's Brent and my time and it will be cut short. And, Brent will have to start getting up early because Andrei does not let anyone sleep in. Actually, as I write this, it's quarter past 7 and it's the longest he has slept since we got him.
I will have to figure out specific activity to do with Andrei every day or I will go crazy. Anything to break up the day. Also, if anyone wants to stop by for coffee or a chat, please do. Actually, I'm begging you to stop by for coffee or a chat. Our home is open for visitors, as long as you don't mind matchbox cars and knights in plastic armor all over the floor. I can't wait until January when we can start a structure and schedule. I think that will be good for all of us.
I've also realized that it will probably be a while before I get to go to adult church by myself again. I found a podcast to listen to on Sunday mornings, and yesterday's was very encouraging. It talked about Abraham and God calling him not only to a new land, but a new person and reality on the inside. That's sort of what we're going through here. God has called us to something new, to what he has promised for us, and He'll be there every step. I've just got to keep reminding myself of that.
The last sermon I heard - in Russia - was about the man being let through the roof to see Jesus, and about how he had to trust his friends so much do let them help him in this way. It was about being vulnerable and allowing others to help you in your difficult times. I knew this sermon was for me, because I knew that I had a difficult time coming up and I have such a hard time accepting help from anyone.
Yes, this is a difficult time. Disorganization frusterates me and I think seven year old boys are the definition of disorganization. I feel like all I do all day is follow behind him and fix things back to 'my way'. I'm slowly getting over that though.
We thought the house was baby proofed, but it's not really Andrei proofed. Since he still is figuring out what belongs to whom, he explores and digs though everything. My office is generally the keeper of important papers, gifts, things that must not be lost, etc. and now he's wanting to go in there all the time and touch it all. Yesterday I finally loaded up a video game onto my computer so I could clean a bit in there and at least get the really important stuff out of the way.
Also, and I've heard this is true of all mothers, I've seen the limits of my temper, patience, guilt, frustration, gentleness, and self-control. I finally just started leaving the room when he starts lashing out at me, because I know I will start lashing right back at him - and I'm supposed to be the adult, right?
I don't really know how to act lovingly toward him, because I have my guard up too - Brent is so much better at that than I am. I bought the book Attaching in Adoption and I feel bad that I'm reading it to know how to act toward my own kid. But he doesn't feel like my kid yet - I have to learn as much as he does how to be in a family. It's very frusterating to me that I don't seem to have any mommy instincts, just survival methods. But he's still a stranger to me. At least with marriage you get to know the person before moving in together - this is a bit more sudden.
Being home all day is insanely boring - especially since Brent has been working more because of Christmas. At least now he has a few days off and then will be into a normal schedule. I'll be going back to work in January too, which I can't decide if I'm happy about or not. I don't think going back to getting up early (3 AM) will be much of an adjustment - because of jetlag, I'm still not sleeping past 4 AM. I think I won't like having to go to bed early because that's Brent and my time and it will be cut short. And, Brent will have to start getting up early because Andrei does not let anyone sleep in. Actually, as I write this, it's quarter past 7 and it's the longest he has slept since we got him.
I will have to figure out specific activity to do with Andrei every day or I will go crazy. Anything to break up the day. Also, if anyone wants to stop by for coffee or a chat, please do. Actually, I'm begging you to stop by for coffee or a chat. Our home is open for visitors, as long as you don't mind matchbox cars and knights in plastic armor all over the floor. I can't wait until January when we can start a structure and schedule. I think that will be good for all of us.
I've also realized that it will probably be a while before I get to go to adult church by myself again. I found a podcast to listen to on Sunday mornings, and yesterday's was very encouraging. It talked about Abraham and God calling him not only to a new land, but a new person and reality on the inside. That's sort of what we're going through here. God has called us to something new, to what he has promised for us, and He'll be there every step. I've just got to keep reminding myself of that.
posted by Tracy at 6:48 AM
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