The seed that planted Russia

A long time ago, before Brent and I even knew that we couldn't have children naturally - possibly even before we started trying to have a baby - we had cable. And HBO. I was channel surfing and came across a documentary called The Children of Leningradsky.
It was about street children living in Moscow. They sniff glue and sell themselves for money. They live under the streets on the heating pipes to keep warm. They run wild through the city and even the police abuse and terrorize them.
At the time, it was a sad story, and I didn't really think much of it after a few days. Years later, I was driving on Erie Ave, past Fountain Park, wondering what we were going to do about our infertility, and I thought again of that video. Russia. That's where we would go. Where our baby was.

I want so much to see the video again, but I'm afraid it would affect me too much. The thought that it could be or could have been A or his sister or brother is too heartbreaking.