Parenting class part 2

Saturday was our second parenting class - this one an all day from 8-4. It was much more interesting and informative than the first one.

There was a guest speaker that came in and talked about normal childhood development and some things that may inhibit it. Then she talked about different stages of attachment that all children go through. She said there is a range all the way from completely unattached (RAD - uncommon but very difficult to get over) to securely attached. Most institutionalized children fall somewhere under 'incomplete attachment' which means they sort of went through all the stages, but maybe missed some points along the way. If a child has some trauma during one of the stages then they might get 'stuck' and need some help moving forward.

We asked some questions about A's behavior and she noted that he was very self-sufficient and trying very hard to please us. With a securely attached child that would be no big deal, but it seemed like he had learned to parent himself and that he can only rely on himself. With trying to please us, he was trying to see if he made us happy, then maybe we would care for him. It was kind of sad. She also said it may take up to 2 years to bring a child up to normal attachment.
We also learned of some things we can do to help him realize that he can and should be depending on us. We can still let him do a lot of his own things because that gives him a sense of control and accomplishment, but we should be very involved and make sure we do them together and not just let him be on his own.
Also we can teach him about how families depend on each other and helps each other by saying things like, "Mamas comfort their sons when they are hurt" or "Families cuddle on the couch together because they love each other"

There are also many other things that can be done to foster attachment:
- Feeding each other (finger foods for a game)
- Hide and seek
- Eye contact games (peek a boo)
- Lots of touch - tickling, hugging, stroking hair and rubbing back
- Rubbing lotion on their skin after a bath
- Bottle feeding, even if they don't take a bottle any more - probably not for A though
- Skin to skin contact and baby wearing (if you can - A is way too heavy)
- Copying games - I touch my nose, you touch your nose
- Family traditions - Friday is pizza night
- Co-sleeping
- Avoiding big events with a lot of people at first, and avoiding using a babysitter at first
Basically it comes down to spending as much time as you can with your child, interacting and loving on them.