Love, Marriage and Money - Part 1 - Come Together
Love, Marriage, and Money - Part 1 - Come Together
When Brent and I were married, one of the first things we did was consolidate our bank accounts. This was kind of essential since we had to pay for the wedding somehow - he had the cash and I was spending it. But, for the rest of our marriage, this is the way we wanted it.
I believe that Brent and I are meant to be together 'till death do us part' - there are no ifs, ands, or buts about that. The word 'divorce' is not something spoken in our home - we're (happily) stuck with each other.
Therefore, our finances are all together. (and we did not have a pre-nup) There is no Brent's account and Tracy's account - there's just The Account. And I think having separate bank accounts is a grave mistake. Separate accounts set yourself up for failure in your marriage. Let me explain.
Couple 1 has separate accounts and Couple 2 have a joint account. I'm not making up cheesy names for my examples.
1. Separate accounts provide an easy out. If Husband 1 wanted to run out on Wife 1, it would be easy for him to just take his accounts and go. Yeah, the house would be something to fight over, but he has is own car, his own savings stashed away - very easy to just pick up and leave. However, if Couple 2 decided to divorce, it would be a logistical nightmare since everything is shared.
2. Separate accounts promote strife and autonomy. Couple 1 goes to the grocery together and each writes out a check for half of the purchase. Husband 1 wants to spend $75 on steaks, while Wife 1 doesn’t even eat meat. How is it fair for them to split the bill half way? If they each buy their own groceries, who does the butter and the flour and other pantry items belong to? In either situation each of them is able to act on their own and independently, while screwing the other spouse over. Marriage is supposed to be a team effort. How is couple 1 any different from college roommates (who occasionally share a bed)?
3. Separate accounts have no financial accountability. If Wife 2 was ringing up tons of debt, Husband 2 would know about it right away. If Wife 1 was doing the same thing, and they divorced, Husband 1 would have had no idea, but would be stuck with half the debt anyway (at least in Wisconsin). More about this in Part 2.
4. Separate accounts can keep one of the spouses in financial ruin. Say Husband 1 makes $100K per year, and Wife 1 only makes $20K. They buy a house and each pays half of the monthly mortgage payment -say $750 each. Husband 1 has no problem making that payment, but Wife 1 is struggling to get buy with her half of the bills. She is not able to save any money toward the future, and if they divorce, she will have nothing.
5. Joint accounts do not cause a controlling situation. Brent makes twice the money I do, and when we have children, I plan on staying home, and possibly will make no money. If Brent were to put his thumb over me and demand that I spend no money because I make no money - that is NOT a money issue. It is a control issue which is entirely different. Similarly, if one spouse spends both of their money like there is no tomorrow, and the other is unhappy about it - that is also not a money issue. A joint account will (hopefully) force the couple to make wise decisions together and work through their problems.
When Brent and I were married, one of the first things we did was consolidate our bank accounts. This was kind of essential since we had to pay for the wedding somehow - he had the cash and I was spending it. But, for the rest of our marriage, this is the way we wanted it.
I believe that Brent and I are meant to be together 'till death do us part' - there are no ifs, ands, or buts about that. The word 'divorce' is not something spoken in our home - we're (happily) stuck with each other.
Therefore, our finances are all together. (and we did not have a pre-nup) There is no Brent's account and Tracy's account - there's just The Account. And I think having separate bank accounts is a grave mistake. Separate accounts set yourself up for failure in your marriage. Let me explain.
Couple 1 has separate accounts and Couple 2 have a joint account. I'm not making up cheesy names for my examples.
1. Separate accounts provide an easy out. If Husband 1 wanted to run out on Wife 1, it would be easy for him to just take his accounts and go. Yeah, the house would be something to fight over, but he has is own car, his own savings stashed away - very easy to just pick up and leave. However, if Couple 2 decided to divorce, it would be a logistical nightmare since everything is shared.
2. Separate accounts promote strife and autonomy. Couple 1 goes to the grocery together and each writes out a check for half of the purchase. Husband 1 wants to spend $75 on steaks, while Wife 1 doesn’t even eat meat. How is it fair for them to split the bill half way? If they each buy their own groceries, who does the butter and the flour and other pantry items belong to? In either situation each of them is able to act on their own and independently, while screwing the other spouse over. Marriage is supposed to be a team effort. How is couple 1 any different from college roommates (who occasionally share a bed)?
3. Separate accounts have no financial accountability. If Wife 2 was ringing up tons of debt, Husband 2 would know about it right away. If Wife 1 was doing the same thing, and they divorced, Husband 1 would have had no idea, but would be stuck with half the debt anyway (at least in Wisconsin). More about this in Part 2.
4. Separate accounts can keep one of the spouses in financial ruin. Say Husband 1 makes $100K per year, and Wife 1 only makes $20K. They buy a house and each pays half of the monthly mortgage payment -say $750 each. Husband 1 has no problem making that payment, but Wife 1 is struggling to get buy with her half of the bills. She is not able to save any money toward the future, and if they divorce, she will have nothing.
5. Joint accounts do not cause a controlling situation. Brent makes twice the money I do, and when we have children, I plan on staying home, and possibly will make no money. If Brent were to put his thumb over me and demand that I spend no money because I make no money - that is NOT a money issue. It is a control issue which is entirely different. Similarly, if one spouse spends both of their money like there is no tomorrow, and the other is unhappy about it - that is also not a money issue. A joint account will (hopefully) force the couple to make wise decisions together and work through their problems.
Labels: Saving Money
posted by Tracy at 7:47 AM
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